Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Well……..have been asked many questions as to my transformation.

Everybody who really knew me, always knew that I was humble and grateful person but a true wild card. My first 3 years that Kelly was born was the best ever, able to be home with her. I was fortunate that she had a good providing daddy at that time. Then I get hired at Exxon. Its like riding a bike after my 3 year hiatus. Then it consumes you and now its your number one priority. Endless hours spent at work, seemed right at the time and I thank God every day how grateful I am for that job and to retire early. Was it all worth it, so I can run around the country and enjoy myself? Its a question I will struggle with until the end.

I was always a beer drinker and somewhat promiscuous. They kind of go hand in hand after awhile of mindless drunk sex. The next day its back to the same bullshit. And it repeats………….for many years. Not until, Sara told me after a couple buckets of White Claws, “Tex, you gotta get your shit together” And it came from Sara!….Lightbulb…….I’m a binge drinker, if I have one, I’ll keep going until I’m out, either of beer or passed out without any recollection. So I quit, cold ass turkey. For that Sara, I am ever grateful.

So, the spiritual journey you ask……………….Until a person can actually come clean and be true to themselves, you will never be at peace, never, it will always become a vicious circle.

All who really knew me personally, knew that I was not a faithful wife, or faithful Mother (although everyone thinks they are) RIP Rex RIP Tom and I pray daily for my daughter to find the light so she can be at peace but faith has dimmed in me for that. Her addiction has gone on for about 15 years. A struggle I would not wish on any person ever, ever. I have learned to move on by letting her go, I have made peace with God, and myself.

So all I can say to you is…look in the mirror, you know your faults but refuse to acknowledge them. Arrogance, narcissism, liar, cheater, negativity, whatever it is, you have to acknowledge it, accept it, and come clean with your whoever and move on if they dont like it, and be a better person for yourself and the World. Its easy you may say, since my late hubbies are dead. 🙂 But if you knew me, you’d know I didn’t care what they thought anyway.

So now its on to meditation retreats, nudist resorts, meeting positive people, and regrouping in November with my childhood buddy Glenda and Mickey xxoo

On a side note: My Texas buddies, I could not have survived without you during my heart surgery, and Tom cancer. For that I hold dear to my heart. Ya’ll will always be family to me. But as time and people go, we ALL evolve and change, some NEVER do. I will always be around sooner or later, but on this journey I never know when. I would hope you are happy for me and not upset that I am living the dream, really, living the dream.

So there is my spiritual journey update.